We've all joked about
the “old married couples” who bicker all the time over every trivial issue, but
little tiffs can be just as harmful to a relationship as larger fights.
Bickering has a way of wearing down the goodwill that exists between a couple,
and makes every little interaction feel irritating. Fighting with your spouse
enervates you mentally and physically! Sometimes
we bicker because there are larger issues we’re trying to ignore. Sometimes
it's because we don't know effective ways of communicating. Sometimes we don't
even realize how badly or frequently we are arguing. Whatever your particular
reasons, a therapist can help you
cut down on your bickering significantly.
Fighting isn’t the only
sign that something is not synching in the communication with your spouse.
Sometimes it can seem like there’s no possible way you and your partner are
both speaking the same language. What you think you’re saying is so far from
what your partner thinks they heard, and vice versa. Couples therapy can help you understand the
differences in your natural communication styles, and can teach each of you to
adapt your style to work better together.
It’s easier to work with
couples who decide to intervene before the damage is really great. With a
therapist's help, you can break negative cycles, discover what's causing
conflicts and distance, and restore a connection that may feel frayed. Perhaps
most importantly, it helps couples identify and remember the strengths of the
relationship and why they fell in love with each other in the first place.
You bicker
endlessly
Does every conversation
turn into an argument? Many couples wait until the fighting escalates before
seeking out therapy. Some couples sweep
this starking issue under the carpet and avoid communicating with each other
altogether. Do not wait until another blowout
happens to seek out help. Many couples have
essentially strong relationships but they get caught in a volatility cycle that
leaves them depleted and distraught. Sometimes it is a circumstance that break
up couples, like financial woes or when a child is gravely ill. Think of the sniping and bickering as a
symptom (like a lump on the neck that won’t go away) and seek out help before
it escalates into a major disease, for example, cancer.
Don’t Wait,
Get Help Now
If your marriage is
having problems, you definitely should not wait too long to seek professional
help. The longer you let your relationship turn cold, the deeper the damage it
is to your marriage. It may be hard to find the right counselor with the skills
to help your relationship, but they are out there and willing to help. There
are ways to find a counselor specializing in marriage or couples therapy. You may
have to meet with more
than one to find the
right fit.
If you think your
marriage is on the rocks, do not wait till it is irreparable, i.e. when the
both of you have totally fallen out of love with each other. Wait too long to
seek help after challenges crop up, and bad habits might cement in place, along
with resentment and anger. That’s a very toxic place that’s difficult to undo.
Be sure to find professional couples counseling or attend a marriage course or
weekend experience as soon as warning signs manifest.
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